ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
