Your face is a jimmy john
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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