Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
