just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
