Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
