I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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