if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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