So drunk its hurt
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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