At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
