Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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