I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
