please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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