He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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