i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
