Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(585): View more from New York

even my farts smell like vagina

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(240): View more from Maryland

So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.

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(706): View more from Georgia

This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.

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(520): View more from Arizona

The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.

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(636): View more from Missouri

I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high

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(619): View more from California

Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex

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(713): View more from Texas

I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm

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