Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
