While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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