he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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