Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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