this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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