So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
how does that bad decision feel?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
