we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
