Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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