Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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