Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
