Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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