why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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