U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
