I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
