Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
