It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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