Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
