Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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