he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
