I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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