Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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