I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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