Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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