how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
