I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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