wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
