and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I look better un-naked...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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