3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
