My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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