I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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