So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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