I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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