Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize