At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
