Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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