I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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