using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
