Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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