I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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