Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
