You smell like stripper and shame
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
