WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
