THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Damn victory sex feels great
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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