oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
