she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
