Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
