Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
