Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
