Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
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All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
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DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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