yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
