high people should be assigned attendants
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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