my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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