I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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