I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
