Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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