Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
