I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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