I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
