Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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