Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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